Coming Clean

 

I’ve been putting this off, but I can’t do so forever.  It’s time to talk.  No advice, no musings…just me and whoever’s reading this.

Let me introduce myself.  Hi.  I’m Henry.

I’m sure you’ve got a few questions, and I can guess at them some.  First question you probably have: Who are you, and why are you posting on this blog?

Well, there’s a pretty simple answer to that.  It’s my blog.

And now that raises another question: Why are you spitting on the memory of this dead guy by rewriting his blog?

I’m not.  See, that was me, too.  Henry’s my name.  Not my handle.  Not my persona.  Not my mask.  If you look for it, you can see that I’m the same guy, down to the quirks no one notices.  My manually naming untitled posts “Untitled” because leaving the title space blank annoys me.  The extra space I put between the title and the body text, just because I think the spacing looks better.  If you look for it, you’ll see that I’m telling the truth.  Either that, or I’m just an obsessive fan, and—let’s be honest here—no one would obsess over me.

There are questions I’m sure you have that I won’t answer yet.  Things I’m not ready to say.  How am I talking to you?  Wasn’t I supposed to be dead?  What’s going on?  Where am I?  When am I?  I think I can answer these.  I’m not sure, though, and even if I was, I wouldn’t be ready to.  See, this is…an unusual situation, and one that’s a bit hard to explain.

Some of you might still be in the dark.  Well, there was this blog.  A blog called Now I Shall Know You Again.  If you haven’t read it, you should, since it’ll help you understand this better.  But if you don’t have the time, let me provide a very quick summary: a young man trying to provide advice to keep other people alive ends up dealing with a split persona and turns to despair when a particularly close friend of his gets involved and ultimately killed—a death he feels responsible for.

Don’t see where I’m going?  Well, let me explain.  If I had to choose my favorite game, it’d probably be The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask.  It’s such an interesting concept, and it can really only be told through a video game.  Our protagonist, Link, finds himself thrust into a strange, new world called Termina, completely unprepared, and finds that he has to stop the moon from crashing into the land and destroying it entirely.  On top of that, the moon’s descent will be complete in only three days.  Fortunately, Link is able to recover the Ocarina of Time, a flute-like instrument that allows him to turn back time and restart those three days—but every time he does, all he’s done in Termina is undone.

Majora’s Mask runs on what’s called a Groundhog Day Loop.  It’s named for the Bill Murray movie, Groundhog Day, where he relives the titular day over and over, until he’s finally able to do things right.  He can’t die, he can’t change anything but himself, and by the end of the movie, he’s been around long enough to master certain skills (like playing the piano) and memorize the events of the day.  Of course, in Groundhog Day, all you see is glimpses.  In Majora’s Mask, you’re actually able to spend three days following someone around.  You can see what they do, where they go, what their schedules are like.  You live those three days over and over until you’re able to beat the game, slowly gathering the equipment to do so.

Why am I going into this?  Because Majora’s Mask was all about the sidequests, and the sidequests were all about helping people.  One thing I loved doing was making sure I did all the sidequests on the last day before beating the final boss, even if I had gotten the reward for the sidequest already, just so I could say that, this time, it was permanent.  This time, the changes wouldn’t be undone by resetting time.  In the game, you had the feeling you could make a difference.  You wanted to help these people with everything from saving a marriage to saving a farm to saving the mayor from an unpleasant argument.

Well, I want to help people.  And I fucked it up.  And then, I was given my own Groundhog Day.  My own Song of Time.  And this time, I was going to make the most of it.  Get my thoughts together.  Get Hyde under control so I could be more reliable.  Drive people further away in case I wasn’t.

But most importantly, I was going to save Girl this time.  No, not Girl.  It’s kind of rude to call her that.  Erin.  I was going to make sure Erin got out of this okay.

Well…it isn’t working.  She knows.  She knows about him.  The Slender Man.  Even though I thought I did things right, she still knows about him and still asked me about him.  She’s already started writing in a notebook like she had before.  I almost think it might be worse this time.  And I don’t know if I can save her.

I’m scared guys.  I’ll flat-out admit it.  I am fucking scared.  I think I did this wrong.  I don’t know if I’ll have to do it again.  I don’t know if I can handle it another time.  All the people I knew back then?  The few people I could almost consider friends, or at least acquaintances?  Slice, Andrew, Ava, Aimee, Ali…even Frap?  They’re all gone.  Dead.  All the people I know now?  They’re all dying, too.  Zeke and M are the only constants.  I can’t stand meeting new people again.  I can’t seeing new faces and getting invested in them and then watching them die.  It doesn’t matter if they take my advice or not.  If they don’t and they die, I couldn’t help them.  If they do and they die, that’s almost worse, because I tried to help them, but I failed.

I can’t go through that again, guys.  I can’t be some constant, watching new faces come and go just as quickly, powerless to do anything.  And above all, I can’t let Erin die again.  I can’t stand to watch her die over and over.  I don’t even have that stupid crush on her anymore holding me back.  I hope that she and her boyfriend are happy.  I just want to to be her friend, and I just want to be able to help her.

But I don’t know if I can.

I’m open to advice, but I can’t accept help.  Where I am, you can’t go.  I have to do this on my own.  But please, I know…I know that there’s almost no one out there, but that doesn’t mean that I want to do it alone.

Please?

-H

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8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Hakurei Ryuu
    Jan 07, 2012 @ 08:56:38

    How did you get a “Groundhog Day”, Henry?

    And if you think you’re doing this alone, you’re just being silly. If you want to avoid people in order to avoid the pain of losing them, that’s fine, that’s your decision. But that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

    Reply

    • jekyllinhyding
      Jan 08, 2012 @ 00:26:16

      How did I get a “Groundhog Day?” I”m…really sorry, Ryuu. I’m afraid I can’t answer that. Not now, at least.
      And I don’t want to do this alone. But I can’t ask for help beyond just support. I…quite literally can’t. Even if you wanted to, and even if I wanted you to, you wouldn’t be able to help me. I’m sorry.
      -H

      Reply

  2. Aura
    Jan 07, 2012 @ 17:59:49

    Henry…Do you remember how later she thought she had to handle it alone? That she wanted to protect you and so took it onto her own shoulders? How that was the final problem.

    Maybe…and i’m sorry that it’s the only suggestion I can think of…but maybe you have to take that role instead. Or maybe the lack of a crush will stop that from happening this time.

    I’m sorry that I can’t think of anything more to suggest. I’m sorry you have to be dealing with this again. Words of a stranger I know but; you’re not alone..

    Reply

  3. Ben
    Jan 08, 2012 @ 23:40:09

    Well, it turns out that I am psychic. Good to know. I am…. receiving signals from the beyond… they tell me… you can’t be helped… because you’re in an alternate dimension. Termina, I guess.

    Reply

  4. The Gargoyle
    Jan 10, 2012 @ 15:25:27

    Oh Good, I can stop pussyfooting around that confusing as hell subject then. I admit, I’ve kept as silent around you as possible because I didn’t know exactly Who or What I’d be talking to. Still a bit confused, obviously, but stranger things have happened, so why deny a Groundhog Day Loop? Hell, groundhog anything should be right up my alley. So sure, I’ll buy into this.

    For the time being, the best I advice I could give is echoing Aura… something along those theoretical lines seems like a place to start. You know your own story better than anyone. You’ve been able to change some things but not others… so there are constants. Fixed points, like Erin learning about the Slender Man. That’s something you probably can’t change no matter how many chances you get to try it. So what you need to look for are elements you can change and attack them from every angle. You can’t stop her from getting involved, but you may still be able to get her out of it safely. Don’t give up just because your initial plan failed.

    Reply

    • jekyllinhyding
      Jan 11, 2012 @ 18:44:21

      Yeah, I’m worried that might be the case. Not what I want to hear, but I don’t know if I’d ever be able to stop Erin from getting involved. On the other hand, since this is my first time through the loop, I’m not sure that’s what it is. This could just be a one time deal. Which means that saving her is pretty much the only option at this point, huh?

      -H

      Reply

      • The Gargoyle
        Jan 11, 2012 @ 21:11:13

        Pretty much, yeah. What you’ve described of your situation is already quite different from the traditional groundhog day loop we’re familiar with, so I definitely wouldn’t go about acting on the assumption that you’re going to get another shot at it down the road.

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