Making Amends

 

Well.  I’ve…forgotten to account for a few things, obviously.  For example, the fact that Erin reads my blog hasn’t changed at all.  On the other hand, it could be far worse.  I don’t have to try to explain my Groundhog Day Loop to her because the version of the blog she’s reading isn’t the same one you’re all reading.  It’s slightly different in a few ways.  She doesn’t see anything I wouldn’t be able to explain, for example.  It’s a relief, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s (understandably) mad about the whole thing.  She’s a bit hesitant over the fact that I used to have a crush on her, she’s pissed that the blog’s real…stuff like that.

It’s also worth noting something I’ll need to say sooner or later: Erin’s seen the Slender Man already.  And that initial sighting was probably harder on her, just due to the fact that…well, I figured that trying not to hang around her as much meant that I’d have less of a chance of “infecting her.”  What that means, of course, is that instead of having someone who knew what she was going through hanging around, she had to face it on her own.  Whoops.

On the other hand, I’ve been spending more time with her now, and I think that my relationship with her this time being different is helping out.  Plus, I’ve been thinking, and I’ve noticed a few things I might have done wrong.  I’ve made friends with her boyfriend, and instead of spending time with Erin, I’m spending time with both of them.  Getting over my feelings and supporting her relationship with him does several things.  First of all, it keeps him in her life, and a related second is that it keeps her sociable.  She’s not cutting off everyone but me this time, so she’s out and about—which is something she really needed last time that she really didn’t get.  The third thing it does is it keeps him from being suspicious of me.  Last time, my relationship with Erin wasn’t…okay, it wasn’t exactly platonic, but he jumped to conclusions he shouldn’t have needed to, and it’s far better to have him as a friend than an enemy.  I know that this almost sounds kind of sneaky and duplicitous, but it’s not.  I fucked up my relationship with both him and Erin last time, and making amends this time around is something I need to do anyway for the sake of making amends.  And hey, it’s better for all of us.  Do some good, and good things happen.  Nothing wrong with that.

I just got done trying to explain to her boyfriend as well as I could what’s going on—without, of course, risking getting him involved.  I told him that she was going through something that she needed me to help her through, but that she couldn’t tell him about.  He’s not happy, and he’s naturally going to be suspicious (which I flat-out admitted to him), but at least he also knows that he can still be there for her.  Take her out, get her mind off of things.  If she needs it, he’s the one giving her support instead of me, and he’s probably much better at it.  And if necessary, hey, I’m there to help, and he’s cool with that.

So we eat together.  Joke and laugh.  Go out to see a movie now and then.  Erin and I pretend everything is okay, and this is one of those cases where pretending helps a bit.  I can feel him watching my back, but he doesn’t do anything.  After all, three’s a crowd.  It’s a tiny crowd, and one that isn’t even in our favor, but it’s a start.  Surrounding yourself with friends, being able to keep your mind off the bad…even just small things like that help some.

-H

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Hakurei Ryuu
    Jan 13, 2012 @ 23:37:27

    Just for psychological purposes, I would advise that you sign things with your full name instead of your initial, that is, if you genuinely abandoning the whole Jekyll/Hyde thing. You’ve had trouble with letting a persona get out of hand already, and just signing things “H” could lead to very bad things.

    Reply

    • jekyllinhyding
      Jan 14, 2012 @ 06:04:27

      Nah, it’s just my usual signature. Even in real life it’s my nickname, and I usually just initial things as often as I can, but I’m not going to use my last initial for privacy’s sake. Don’t worry about me. Signing things with an H is just my way of letting you know who I’m speaking as. I’ll still speak as Jekyll and Hyde, of course. I’m not dropping the personas entirely. They’ve all got their own purposes, and have since the beginning.

      -H

      Reply

  2. Dia
    Jan 14, 2012 @ 05:07:43

    To put it simply, you’re frightening the followers by allowing them to fear you’re becoming something you used to be.

    Reply

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