Making Amends


Well.  I’ve…forgotten to account for a few things, obviously.  For example, the fact that Erin reads my blog hasn’t changed at all.  On the other hand, it could be far worse.  I don’t have to try to explain my Groundhog Day Loop to her because the version of the blog she’s reading isn’t the same one you’re all reading.  It’s slightly different in a few ways.  She doesn’t see anything I wouldn’t be able to explain, for example.  It’s a relief, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s (understandably) mad about the whole thing.  She’s a bit hesitant over the fact that I used to have a crush on her, she’s pissed that the blog’s real…stuff like that.

It’s also worth noting something I’ll need to say sooner or later: Erin’s seen the Slender Man already.  And that initial sighting was probably harder on her, just due to the fact that…well, I figured that trying not to hang around her as much meant that I’d have less of a chance of “infecting her.”  What that means, of course, is that instead of having someone who knew what she was going through hanging around, she had to face it on her own.  Whoops.

On the other hand, I’ve been spending more time with her now, and I think that my relationship with her this time being different is helping out.  Plus, I’ve been thinking, and I’ve noticed a few things I might have done wrong.  I’ve made friends with her boyfriend, and instead of spending time with Erin, I’m spending time with both of them.  Getting over my feelings and supporting her relationship with him does several things.  First of all, it keeps him in her life, and a related second is that it keeps her sociable.  She’s not cutting off everyone but me this time, so she’s out and about—which is something she really needed last time that she really didn’t get.  The third thing it does is it keeps him from being suspicious of me.  Last time, my relationship with Erin wasn’t…okay, it wasn’t exactly platonic, but he jumped to conclusions he shouldn’t have needed to, and it’s far better to have him as a friend than an enemy.  I know that this almost sounds kind of sneaky and duplicitous, but it’s not.  I fucked up my relationship with both him and Erin last time, and making amends this time around is something I need to do anyway for the sake of making amends.  And hey, it’s better for all of us.  Do some good, and good things happen.  Nothing wrong with that.

I just got done trying to explain to her boyfriend as well as I could what’s going on—without, of course, risking getting him involved.  I told him that she was going through something that she needed me to help her through, but that she couldn’t tell him about.  He’s not happy, and he’s naturally going to be suspicious (which I flat-out admitted to him), but at least he also knows that he can still be there for her.  Take her out, get her mind off of things.  If she needs it, he’s the one giving her support instead of me, and he’s probably much better at it.  And if necessary, hey, I’m there to help, and he’s cool with that.

So we eat together.  Joke and laugh.  Go out to see a movie now and then.  Erin and I pretend everything is okay, and this is one of those cases where pretending helps a bit.  I can feel him watching my back, but he doesn’t do anything.  After all, three’s a crowd.  It’s a tiny crowd, and one that isn’t even in our favor, but it’s a start.  Surrounding yourself with friends, being able to keep your mind off the bad…even just small things like that help some.



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So what’s up, everyone?  How are you all doing?  Don’t answer that, because I don’t fucking care.

So, the percentage of you that should probably be way higher who follow me religiously may have noticed that I haven’t said anything for a while.  You may be wondering if something’s happened, or if I’m okay.  You’re probably not because chances are you just don’t give a damn or are assuming everything’s fine.  Which it is.  For the most part.

Basically, I just don’t feel the need to keep everyone constantly updated.  After all, what’s the point?  The more time I spend blogging, the more I think about the Slender Man, and the greater the chance that draws him to me.  As long as I’m okay, I don’t need to share every single minor encounter with him I have, and certainly not any other boring daily stuff.  No one cares how often I shudder under the blankets listening to happy music and trying to ignore the fact that he’s outside my window, let alone caring about what I ate for breakfast.

But I’m going to ramble about personal things for a bit.  With some purpose.

While it’s good to try to keep others uninvolved, it’s also not good to be alone.  I covered this in much greater detail here.  Basically, I’ve been inviting a few friends over and keeping my dorm room door open to keep things a bit more public.  I’ve had a girl (let’s call her Girl—a bit unimaginative, but in my defense, fuck you) over a few times to play Risk with me, my roommate (who we’ll call Roommate) and Guy Across the Hall (or maybe Gath—which actually sounds a bit like a legitimate fantasy name).  It’s uplifting.  Just a small group of people, laughing and joking around.  Works wonders.  In fact, I usually turn to one of them whenever I can’t shake the thoughts of him or the feeling I get when he’s around.  When I watch a movie alone, I find it a bit hard to keep my thoughts focused entirely on what’s happening on the screen.  Gath and I are both the type of person who can’t help providing our own commentary as we watch, which is much more distracting.  Roommate’s usually up for some gaming, which is always better when there’s actually someone in the room with you, and Girl’s just really easy to chat with for some reason.  Female perspective, I guess?

So yeah, don’t worry about me.  I’m doing fine.  The further I can stay away from the blogs and vlogs, the better.  Truth be told, they’re kind of addicting.  I think they’re an obsession for a lot of people (Hyde’s probably going to be covering obsessions, as well as origins later on—making a little note here so we don’t forget), and they usually tend to depress me.

Well, anyway, I guess Hyde or I will talk to you all later.  I’m going to skim a few blogs and then take off for a while again.